Playground of Imagination

What i m listening reflect my mood - Rentrer En Soi

2009-05-24T02:32:00.000-07:00

ell, that's common though. Right now i m really depressed, i have a lot of problems in my mind. Right now, i m working as a Research Assistant, and we conduct a research about Mesh Wireless Network. The scale is quite big, for Post graduate actually, but i got permission from my supervisor that under grad like me can join the team. Even though i m not good enough, but i will try my best. But after, one week i felt that i m really stupid. All of the people in my lab is really nice but they are too good to me. I can't do anything and i don't know anything. I won't use "age" as an excuse here so i consider myself is really low compared to them. I feel really depressed because of that and additionally i still affected by "her". I was dumped by really lovely girl at early of this month, and yes i was sad about this too. So these two problems affect my mood a lot. Fortunately because of my family and my friends gave me so much encouragements i can regain my spirit back. Well, that was really tough even though i still feel it right now.

That time i listened to Rentrer En Soi

The name RENTRER EN SOI means something along the lines of "return in self" in French, and this theme of self-reflection was an important theme to the five band members. During their career of seven years, their music was always evolving and they had a lot to offer: quite complex, melodious and sometimes heavy songs combined with Satsuki's low, despairing growls. On the other hand, melancholic and dream-like songs, which are complimented by graceful and emotional vocals, are also found in the band's extensive discography.

Their looks also changed drastically over the years. They started as a visual kei band with medieval period inspired costumes but in the latter years of their career they adopted a more mature and casual look.
Source: http://www.jame-world.com/us

My favorite play lists : (i will add the audio streaming tomorrow)
Album: RENTRER EN SOI [2008.11.19] AIN SOPH AUR

1. STIGMATA
2. LAST SCENE
3. TO INFINITY
4. PROTOPLASM
5. I HATE MYSELF AND WANT TO DIE

PV of Rentrer En Soi
Last Scene

Collection of Status which i posted in my FB account May-April

2009-05-24T01:10:00.000-07:00

Well, "life is wonderful" someone told me this sentence, embarrassing?no...not really. Actually i m dark, gloomy and pessimistic (most of my friends told me that i m very optimistic though). I always think realistically about this world so that's why i often feel sad and depressed. I have a lot of troubles that i can't finish and it affects my daily life for sure. So when that person said to me that "life is wonderful, you can change your life not life change you". I m really surprised and motivated, that sentence gave me a lot of encouragements. Well that person does not really care about this i suppose. This is the first time someone who are in the same age as me make a deep impact inside my mind and yes i m a very TROUBLESOME person. No wonder why many people can't understand and accept me (including that person unfortunately). They think that i am a gloomy and little bit crazy and that's the truth except the crazy part though. I like to show my sad expression to the people because when i show it, people will abandon and leave me and i can be alone most of the time. I love being alone, that's all. I express my feeling through this....

Ok...let's start...
The collections my status which i posted at my Facebook status....
April 22 at 8:06pm "You love someone because you think that you love him/her, you hate someone because you think that you hate him/her. The best way is to forget all of the memories in your mind, keep going forward and always think about yourself no matter what happened. This is not time to idling around because someone, head banging all day long to forget all the unimportant and unnecessary things."
April 25 at 8:43pm "Hah...can't nurture my mind over her, i know it's already impossible..."

April 26 at 11:56am "Why her face looks so beautiful? Blissful mind taking over me, yet impossible for me to moving forward towards her. The continuation of my dilemma!!!"
April 27 at 8:49am "Can i really love someone else?and in the other hand i m just a dumb chicken who afraid of losing...I hate myself and want to die"
April 28 at 9:55am "Hopefully i can find a new hope that brings me a bright life and put me back in the line!!! I m so complicated and dark yet she is so simple and bright, can i really move towards the same direction as her? and can i really make her mine? only the god knows, time will come!!!"
April 29 at 2:48pm "I don't believe in miracle yet i m waiting for a miracle to come this time Someone said this to me "We change our life not life change us" That was the time i started to wonder why god gives us a brain and heart."
April 30 at 5:32pm "It's already finish...I already know the outcome before asking her, still i m waiting for the miracle. Maybe because i am a sinner miracle won't get close to me...I am done for..."
May 1 at 8:02am "I found a new resolution last night...i don't want to give up yet...i know it's very hard but i will do my best to make her mine...no one else like her in this world,i feel that i am the best man for her and she is the best woman for me. It's sounds so ridiculous but at least i want to try again, if one time is not enough, i will try two times, if two times is not enough, i will try again until she loves me..."
May 2 at 8:49am "I just realized that she hates me and doesn't care about what i say to her...where should i start then?really tough...this one is the best challenge that i ever encounter in my life. I will not give up easily for her!!!"
May 3 at 1:22am "I know that you don't like me anymore, your affection towards me is just a bluff. The problem is you already captivate my mind, should i end it like this?"
May 3 at 5:10pm "I know that you already ignore me completely, though at that time you care about me so much. I know i made a mistake, when you need me i m not on your side. Now, on your head and heart is just "him". I know our time together is just too short and there is no chance for me to breakthrough your mind. I just want to protect you, that's all. Maybe this is the time to give you up. Time will heal my wound."
May 6 at 12:06am "You disappeared without a trace before my very own eyes...i know from deep of my heart that it's already finished...but part of my mind and heart still can't give up on you...just your existence is like a miracle for me. Ok, it was one sided after all. But at least i met a wonderful girl like you and i think no girls in this world can compare to you. Only the god knows what will happen next, and i hope...next time"
May 11 at 5:28pm "I know that i mean nothing to you right now. What can i do to make you care? What can i do to make you smile again at me? You make me feel endless pain once again even though i have had enough of that kind of feeling. But i must endure this bloody rain all alone. I can't think about you right now. I will prove to you that i am worthy to be by your side. May the god forgives me!"
May 13 at 5:00pm "You discard me from your life without a doubt. OK, from now on i won't disturb you anymore. I m sorry, i can't keep myself like this, i must face my feeling for you and this condition. Definitely you won't accept me even i prove myself to you. Thank you for everything, your encouragement means so much for me."
May 18 at 9:54am "Time flies without your presence, it was a great time for me even it's really short. But at least, i can love somebody else other than her even though loving you is also pointless. But this is life, you can't get everything that you want. Miracle won't come, it's obvious that i m not good enough for you and i don't have anything to be proud of. Maybe in the future i can find another love, may The God forgives me."
May 20 at 12:43am "I messed up, why i can't concentrate on this research? almost 1 week doing useless things...My reports are far from done... i lost my passion... I already don't fucking care about the other problem at all but still all i did is just idling around doing nothing like a lazy bum. This is not the real me...i need to get back on track as soon as possible... or else i will disappoint my supervisor.... I have pride..."
May 21 at 9:02pm "I thought you are the one who can give me the feeling of calmness and i thought that you are everything to me. You was everything to me, Even though I promised just an infinite world that wouldn't come to an end. With my eyes cast down, i seem to lose sight of even eternity. Inside of the time the too faint memories with you are torn apart.Will I completely disappear from your memory? May The God forgives me"
May 23 at 1:33am"I know that you already disappear before my very own eyes, but still your shadow keep flashing across my mind...just your existence give so much encouragements...i know that loving you is useless and pointless yet i don't want to give up on you...i don't want to repeat the same mistake again...please give me a chance to prove myself...this is the first time i need someone this much...may The God forgives me..."
May 25 at 1:02am "I know already that it's pointless and useless waiting for you, i must forget about you completely or else your shadow will affects my life.It's hard and i must make up my mind this time. Your words of encouragements still ringing in my mind. It's really short and it's shame that i can't know you better. Right now, i want to nurture my mind over you.My final solution "ignorance is a bliss".Miracle won't come for sure"

There is no shortcut to success

2009-04-06T00:02:00.000-07:00

Most of the youngsters these days always think that success is easy to achieve. They think that there are many shortcuts to success, that's entirely false. There is one proverb in English"There is no shortcut to success". The way most of the youngsters do exam is one of the good example. The students love to cheat when they take their exam, they do that because they think that they can get good mark without studying hard all night long. They don't understand that there is no benefits of getting good mark with cheating. The "effort" is the most important thing. They forget that the true objective of education is to make a good characteristics of human being so they can be accepted in the social live. So, there is no point of getting good mark and considered as a liar at the same time. Result can be achieved with effort. Success needs time and effort. No shortcut can help us. So work hard everyday in every aspects of human lives and you will achieve a great thing sooner or later. That's the way the world works.

Idiom Story (Not Real Story ^_^)

2009-03-23T00:46:00.000-07:00

Actually, back in my junior high school days, i love to horse around everytime. I went to famous school at that time because i got high score in my final exam(elementary school final exam), the school is located in the center of the city. So Shopping Mall, Arcade and Cinema are common places to visit after school. And i am still in early of teenager period, so things like searching for a girlfriend and playing around with friends all day long are normal. My parents scold me many times before, but i never listen to them. This is one of my biggest regret in my life until now. The result is i entered random senior high school and after that, i studied seriously and tried my hardest.

After that, my senior high school day became boring and like song called "I Hate Myself and I Want to Die", that time i hate myself a lot because i can't play around with my friends and always studying until my last breath!!!That's the consequence of being lazy in the past. After, that bitter experience, i am starting to change my self.

Batu Feringghi

2009-03-15T19:33:00.000-07:00

Batu Ferringghi is located at Penang. We arrived there in the afternoon after we depart from Genting Highland. Not many things to say because i think that this kind of place is common. Beautiful beach, good hotel and restaurant. That's it, and we didn't have much time either at Batu Ferringhi. Well, we did some games in the beach with everybody but that's all. The hotel is very nice but unfortunately we had to share one room with 5 people. That's ok though, also we had a Tom Yam for our dinner and after that we had a free time to play in the Night Market, unfortunately i am too tired and can't even think clearly, so i just come back to my room and sleep. That's all. But in the morning we went to army camp, what made me proud is the army camp is lead by our Vice Counsellor, Dato' Kamarudin Hussin. What a surprise!!!

Trip to Genting Highland

2009-03-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

Well, this place is really amazing, at first i thought that Genting Highland is only high place that provide a normal recreation and villa. But after i arrived there, i was really surprised to death!!!. First thing, this place is really high, i can feel a cloud above my head. Second thing, the indoor and outdoor park, how come they make a theme park in this kind of place? that's totaly absurd!!! and especially the "space shot" game, though i didn't try it because i am afraid of height. Third thing, all of the facilities there are first rate including the hotel, restaurant, transportation, and all of the public services like mosque and toilet. And the last thing and the most important thing is Genting Highland is very secure place. Well, they have a casino though, but despite that, the security there is top-notch

Cave of Darkness - Gua Kelam

2009-03-04T19:03:00.000-08:00

After we finished with Snake Farm, now we turn our attention to Cave of Darkness. Well this cave was originally man-made. Mrs Irma said to me that this cave is made by Chinese worker in past, around 60's. Well, this cave has a myth. Gua Kelam (Cave of Darkness) is protected by 2 giant snakes, people believe the snakes is sleeping deep inside the underground river which cannot be reached by human's current technology. Well myth is a myth. Anyway, Gua Kelam has 2 entry points, we only went to the first cave, because the second cave is too dangerous to enter withouth much preparation. The distance in the first cave is about 300 meters. After reaching the end of the cave, we went to the camping ground, in this place we ate lunch, and it's KFC?i thought everybody here boycot KFC?no?. Many funny things happened here, our lovely teacher Mrs. Irma, Mrs, Ina Suryani and our honorable Vice Counsellor Dato' Kamarudin Hussin is throwed in the air and catched by everyone. Fortunely nothing bad happened. As we know, our honorable Dato ' Kamrudin Hussin is very friendly and full of fatherly aura which makes us love him even more.

Hope our next trip to KL and Penang going well

Snake Farm Trip

2009-03-04T17:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, all of the undergraduate international student went to Snake Farm. Well, our respectable Vice Chancellor Y. BHG. BRIG. JEN. PROFESOR DATO' DR. KAMARUDIN HUSSIN gives us this rare chance to gain many knowledge and experiences. Without him, we absolutely can't experience this exciting trip. After aerobics exercise early in the morning, we went directly to the snake farm which take about half an hour from Kubang Gajah.

Let's concentrate on the trip.
I learn many things from the trip. The Snake Farm has 53 snake species in total, and about 250 snakes. Beside that, they also have another animal like monkey, chicken, crocodile, rare lizard and chicken(actually, i don't know why they keep a chicken, maybe for food?). Another fact, the Snake Farm is originally owned by the minister of health and the main function is purely for venom research. After that, the Snake Farm's staffs give us a demo:
1st demo
They play with Mangrove Snake, this snake is non poisonous and can be found in the mangrove farm or even in the tree. They eat small animals like small bird, mice and insect. Also the staff told me that the female snake compared to the male. I hate snakes actually, but i must endure it i thought. But surprisingly, this snake was very friendly, i even touch them O.O .Give me one big applause.
2nd demo
This time they played with Common Cobra, this cobra is small but quite ferocious. This snake is poisonous and can be dangerous.
3rd demo
King Cobra, very dangerous snake, so don't play around with this kind of snake, the staff also gives us some advices.
1. If you meet poisonous snake, don't try to run. Stand still and let them go away. If you run, they will bite you.
2. If you got bitten by the snake. Don't panic and go to the hospital quickly.
4th demo
They showed us how snake eat the prey. I couldn't handle the scene, because i fell sorry for the chicken.

After that, we had free time to explore the whole farm. It's so exciting, but unfortunately i got bitten by many big red ants, so i can't enjoy it much. After that, our honorable Vice Counselor Y. BHG. BRIG. JEN. PROFESOR DATO' DR. KAMARUDIN HUSSIN gives us free ice cream for everyone. Sour ice cream I LOVE IT ^_^. Thank you Dato' Kamarudin !!!

Nasi Kandar and Ayam Goreng

2009-02-22T22:44:00.000-08:00

Well last Tuesday i bought the greatest food or even the most delicious food that i ever tasted in Malaysia YET. I bought it for RM 4,00 and i think it's a fair price and of course it's from our favourite restaurant behind the KWSP building!!! The Amazing ABDUL ALIM restaurant, yeah the Nasi Kandar is too delicious for a human being and the Fried Chicken is the most amazing thing in the world after Old Trafford!!! LOL, at the first glimpse i thought that the Nasi Kandar and Fried Chicken is bad combination and the price is too exspensive, stupid price i thought!!! But after ate the first scoop of rice and bite the chicken, i felt that i am in the Seven Clouds. I really recommend this food to all of my human friend and also my alien friend, but beware my alien friend, you can die if you eat humans meal too much!!! LOL

Well Behold, the Almighty Nasi Kandar and Fried Chicken Combo made by Abdul Alim Restaurant:

ONE word Answers

2009-02-17T23:01:00.000-08:00

Where is your cell phone - Pocket

Your hair - Black

Your father - Kind

Your favorite thing - Play Station

Your dream last night - Sad

Your favorite drink - Milk

Your dream/goal - Rich

The room you are in - Quiet

Your fear - Loss

Where do you want to be in 6 years - Manchester

One of your wish list items - Notebook

Where you grew up – Surabaya

The last thing you did - Sleep

What are you wearing - T-Shirt

Your TV - 21"

Your pet - Cat

Your computer - None

Your life - Interesting

Your mood - Bland

Missing someone - My Ex

Your car - None

Favorite store - Indomart

Your favorite color - Black

When is the last time you laughed - 1 hour ago

Last time you cried - Not sure

Three people who email me – My Father,My Friends,My Uncle

Three of my favorite foods – Fried Chicken,Chicken Kodon Blue,Chicken Fillet

Three places I would rather be right now – Old Trafford,Shibuya,Bogor

Last Week Activity

2009-02-15T22:43:00.000-08:00

Well, i don't particularly have any important activity last week, just an ordinary week, no more no less. Redundant things everyday, at morning i woke up around 8 a.m, take a bath, ride a bus to go to school, finish class at 5 p.m, go back to the hostel, then sleep. If i don't have a class like Saturday and Sunday, i only go to the library at KWSP. So, no important activities nor do i have interesting picture, i didn't consider last week as boring week just an ordinary week.

Oh yeah, i remember i had medical checkup last week, i have to do X-Ray,urine sample, and also blood test. The most interesting thing from medical checkup that take place at a little clinic in Kangar Town is i have to take blood test 2 times. Due to the doctor can't find my bloods vein in my right hand. He said that i am too relax so my blood pressure is calm. After a while, he said to me i have to do some little exercise in the outside to raise my blood pressure. Then, the doctor try my left hand, finally he can take my blood. The summary is i got both of my hand pierced by doctor's needle. Well i am not afraid of those needle though, but i think that's the most interesting event that happened last week. That's all. Oh ya, i forgot, we have two people cry in the clinic.

My Self

2009-02-08T23:33:00.000-08:00

Well, my name is Ilham nandana, a normal but logical and technical person who wants to go around the world to see many things. Still 19 years old, but considered as a mature person by my lecturer,don't know why they considered me as a mature and calm person. I am pure Indonesian,was born in Surabaya the city of hero.Right now, i am studying a degree at UniMAP Perlis,Malaysia. I take a computer engineering as my course. Well many people in Indonesia feel that Malaysia and Indonesia is not friendly to each other even the culture and religion are almost the same. Due to many problems between those two country, many people in Indonesia hate Malaysia and so on. But not for me, i think the hatred comes from the media who wrote many false news. I don't want to blame anybody but the truth is the people in Malaysia is really nice and i have no problem adapting to people here. So don't judge something based on the media, because they often write a false news. I think for a two country who considered as a sibling shouldn't hate each other. That's purely my opinion and based on my experience.

Bogor the city that never stops raining

2009-02-08T23:11:00.000-08:00

Bogor, city which located near the capital city of Indonesia,Jakarta. Some people call it a sub urban of Jakarta because most of the people in Bogor work in Jakarta and the distance between Jakarta and Bogor it's only around 45km. So with only 1 hour we can reach Bogor from Jakarta.

Why i call it the city that never stops raining?because rain is common thing in Bogor. You can see the raining pouring down non stop all day long. Bogor also has many tourism spot that attract tourists, from the local tourists until international tourist. The most famous place is Botanical Garden which can be spotted easily because it's located in the central of the city.

Botanical Garden Picture:

Originally bogor's native people are Sundanese, but actually due to many Javanese comes to Jakarta to find a better standard of living, bogor is full of Javanese. And i am half Sundanese and half Javanese. Now we move to the most popular food from bogor. There are two food that people must try when they go to Bogor. A Toge Goreng, a beansport which fried and poured with a special spices. This food considered as a spicy food so many foreginers found this food challenging for them.

Toge Goreng Picture

The other food name is Roti Unyil, a little bread which contains different flavour. From meat,cheese,chocolate,etc. It's very delicious and i consider this food as one of the best culinary in Bogor.

Roti Unyil Picture: